I would imagine that what I’m about to explain is pretty normal, but on the off chance that this is something reserved only for those of us lucky enough to be both writers and people with anxiety, I’ll go ahead and explain it anyway. When I have a lot to do or when there’s a tricky conversation I need to have, my inner monologue tends to take over and I can’t focus on anything else until I write it down. It’s like I need to extract it from my brain and banish it to a piece of paper where it can be properly contained.
After I write a to do list, I instantly feel like I can focus on what I need to do. Nine times out of ten, I’ll also add “write to do list” to give myself something to cross out (because of who I am as a person). The act of taking my thoughts and putting them on paper yields a truly physical response. Before I do it, my brain feels chaotic and fidgety (imagine a miniature kitten on espresso rolling around where your brain is supposed to be). But after, there is relative peace and the chaos now exists politely on paper. And no, I’ve never seen a doctor regarding a potential ADHD diagnosis, why do you ask? It was the caffeinated kitten thing, wasn’t it?
All of that to say, I know I’m not a political pundit and you probably come here, if you come here, for thoughts on online dating and other new-age Carrie Bradshaw blah blah — not politics. But I’ve had something on my brain since the first presidential debate that needs to come out on paper/website. It’s like I keep fantasizing about getting a seat in the White House press pool and being granted 30 seconds to rip Trump a new one. Side note: think how much money would be raised for charity by auctioning off that opportunity. We could probably cure hunger in minutes. So yeah, I know me writing this will change literally nothing but I am also literally going insane rehearsing a hypothetical conversation with Donald Trump in my head. So, yeah, here we are.
During the debate, Trump completely fumbled his chance to once and for all — and for real — denounce white supremacy. Instead, he did some sick dog whistle to the P*oud Bo*s. After the debate, his talking heads immediately got to work saying that he did denounce white supremacy “in all its forms” and has done so in the past. Sure, the words have come out of his mouth before, but have you ever once believed them? He is so infuriating in that he says one thing, but you know he either 1) doesn’t mean it or 2) is insinuating something entirely different. It’s not the perfect metaphor, but something about him reminds me of the guy who finds the genie’s lamp and uses one of his three wishes to ask for another wish. Simply put: he’s the worst.
I can’t help but think back to Obama’s reaction to Sandy Hook. He cried. He was angry. He felt something. That’s what we’re looking for, that’s what we’re craving. That’s what should be baseline for an American president and what now feels like something of myth and legend. It’s like we flew too close to the sun with Obama and now we have this orange American disgrace.
Alright, it’s out of my brain and onto the internet.