Last November I started talking to this guy I met on Hinge whomst I believed had a good deal of promise. He was interesting, easy to talk to, smart, good looking, employed, and bonus point: he was a skater. Haha, it’s OK, I hate myself, too. I didn’t realize it at first, but above all those other things, this guy was really really really into his cat.
Over drinks, I learned that he had the name of his first cat tattooed across his chest, that he carried his new cat around in a Baby Bjorn non ironically, and that his plans for the rest of that weekend included going to Prospect Park to spread the ashes of his old cat, a ceremony that he would, of course, be bringing his new cat to in the carrier (carrying it not unlike a newborn baby).
For our second date, we saw Parasite (loved, by the way!), no dinner or drinks before or after. Call me crazy but after a movie, you’d assume you might get to debrief on it, but no… he had to get home to — you guessed it — his cat. “I’ve been gone all day and he’s probably mad at me,” he said. I stood there, mouth agape (“wow, this is a first,” I thought) and then promptly found a bodega to purchase some sad/confused girl chocolate.
We texted a little bit in the days following the movie. I asked him for a photo of his cat, because, and I can’t stress this enough, this cat was INSANE. A truly *chonky boi* with bright yellow eyes that were too close together, deep set into a sea of black fur. I texted him, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your cat totally looks like it would eat you if you died alone in your apartment.” His response? “lol I guess…” I knew I had struck a nerve, I guess I just didn’t know how badly. Dot dot dot.
Fast forward a few months and he matched with one of my friends on Hinge. Being the absolute ride or die bitch that she is, she fucked with him and said “Hey, you’re the cat guy who ghosted my best friend!” To which he said, “Well how would you feel if someone had disrespected your dog like that? If someone had implied that your pet could be violent?” To be clear: the only thing I will apologize for is mistaking you for someone with a sense of humor, Cat Guy!!! The kicker? After she didn’t say anything back, he said, “Well, what do you think? I’d still love to meet you.”
Meow!